Parenting in Faith
By Marilin Biles

“But seek first His kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33.

As I reflect on my life as a mother, I realize now that even though I was religious, I forgot to seek His kingdom first. I did not know the first thing about parenting when I became a new mother. I worried too much about everything.  I was afraid to do something wrong and mess up my kids in the process.  After 25 years of trying to be the perfect mother, I have come to believe “not to worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6: 34.

My advice to new mothers is to first give your children to the Lord, learn about parenting, do your best, and above all relax and enjoy your children.  It is true when people say, “they grow too fast”. Well, they indeed do and the little struggles and problems that you face now when the children are young, will be different and even more serious problems when then get older.  However, “In his heart a man (mom) plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9.

Two of my wonderful and totally awesome children from my husband’s prior marriage are Heather (35) and Jim (33).  They were the first to teach me about parenting as I had the privilege of raising them since they were 6 and 4 years old. As a teacher I always loved working with children, but the rewards to have your step-daughter call you mom and grow up to be a teacher herself and to see your step son grow into such a caring and responsible young man are  immeasurable.

My other three wonderful and loving sons are Paul (24), Lawrence (22), and Thomas (18), I realize now that I should have enjoyed them much more as they were growing up.  I love all five of my children very much and each for a different reason. However, I believe that Thomas has been my best work. Why do I say that? Well, it is not like his brothers think that the reason is because he is the baby and loved the most.  It is because when he was born his youngest brother was five years old, I was more experienced, more relaxed.  I knew that everything will work out just fine.  I also knew he would be my last born.  I savored each and every second with him.  I wish now that I would have been the same with the others.  I feel I was too stressed out trying to balance everything that I treasured and enjoyed in life the most: motherhood, marriage, and a full time teaching career. 

I think back on the days when I was struggling with five children ranging in ages of newborn to 7 years old.  I just don’t know how I did it! I realize now that everything was done by the grace of God and all those angels he sent down to help me.  I even found time to continue my education and exercise after the usual house chores were done.  Of course, just as I have had countless joys, I have also had my share of sorrows.  Like I said before, I am a worrier, and I would worry much more when the kids were younger. 

Now I try to put my trust in Him.  I pray to Him, “Let it be Your will and not mine”, (but if it is Your will, you know what is in your heart, Lord).  Let it be your will Lord when my children get sick, fall in love, look for colleges, consider careers, get married, have children, look for jobs, and experience disappointments.  I never knew I should pray this way until Paul was old enough to marry. I learned then that parents can pray for their children’s future spouses even before they are conceived.  Now I pray everyday for their future spouses and future healthy children. 

New moms remember that…

“Aren’t two sparrows sold for only a penny? But your Father knows when any one of them falls to the ground. Even the hairs on your head are counted. So don’t be afraid? You are worth much more than many sparrows.”  Matthew 10:29-31.

So do not be afraid and try not to worry. Everything is in God’s control and everything that happens is for a reason. But, oh Lord, it so hard to give it all to you!  It is so hard to give you control of our lives and yes, our children.  It is frightening at times! It is so hard to wait and just sit back and watch how You work in their lives and guide them through disappointments, rebellious moments, alienations, mistakes, and hardships. 

"When things do not go well, trusting that God is still on the throne and that it will be okay allows us to go through difficulties on a very different plane and with hope and optimism, even when we don't have control over what is happening around us."  Dr. Henry Cloud, The Secret Things of God.

I try to live each day with the understanding that when things go wrong and evil things happen to one of us, those events don’t rule our existence, but God does. Even when we don’t understand why things are happening, God is in control.

I recently received an e-mail from a good friend that really hit home in regards as to how I felt raising my three children. Here is part of that e-mail.

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.  
 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes

The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
  2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes re clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby
 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

Activities
1st baby:  You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners.


I want to encourage all new moms or all those that are thinking of becoming a mom that all your kids want you to do is to love and teach them by example, and to put your trust in the Most High because He has a plan for them.” Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me, all day long I put my hope in you. Who are those who fear the Lord?  He will show them the path they should choose.  They will live in prosperity, and their children will inherit the land.” Psalm 25:5m 12-13.

Most importantly remember that you only have roughly eighteen years to enjoy their company and influence them on a day to day basis.  After they leave for college or move out, you will find yourself sometimes thinking how you would love to see your living room be torn down by your children playing around. That is when you learn to keep quiet, and just love them if you are lucky enough to have them come back on holidays. I have a plaque on my kitchen wall that says, “A mother holds her children’s hands for a while and their Hearts Forever.” Remember that loves starts at home and that is all you need to do to be a perfect mother. Enjoy, love, and pray for your children and they will do just fine.